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Being a ‘stay at home mummy’

I worked for many years. In fact, I got my first part time job at 13 and was employed right up until the ripe old age of 31. My last employment was as a Human Resources manager at a large company employing over 40,000 people.

I was made redundant in 2012. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I wanted redundancy, asked for redundancy and finally I got it when my 3rd child was born.

Now, 4 children along, I’ve been able to stay at home with the kids for over 5 years. It has flown by.

With my eldest, I had to return to work when he was 6 months old. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I would drop him at the childminders at around 8am and cry when I got back in the car. Picking him up after work was the single highlight of my day. I had returned to work for 3 days a week, yet it felt like a lifetime away from my baby boy.

Amelie came along 4 years later and having struggled with this pregnancy I left for my maternity leave at the earliest opportunity.

This time, having a very supportive partner willing to work all hours, I was able to take the full 12 months leave.

I fell pregnant with baby number 3 while still on maternity leave with Amelie.

Struggling with stress and anxiety, related to outside issues, when my maternity leave finished the doctor signed me off and before I knew it I was already on maternity leave again.

I am very lucky that a supportive employer was able to grant my repeated requests for redundancy. I worked as a Manager in Human Resources, so needless to say I knew how it all worked and knew exactly what I was entitled to.

I have never ever looked back. Before my first born I was very career minded and worked hard to climb the ladder to get to my position. The day my first child was born everything changed. I changed. I never felt the same about work again. Although I continued to work hard, the career girl inside was gone.

I carried on for 2 years, taking my boy to the childminder or nursery and I did well, climbing the career ladder a little further. But it felt like a farce. I was in a very unhappy, abusive marriage and work became my escape, with my little boy as the light at the end of the tunnel.

Fast forward to April 2009 and I meet the love of my life, John. The prince to sweep me clean off my feet and whisk me off to a happy place and the fairytale I was told did not exist.

When John and I had Amelie, he was keen for me to take the full 12 months maternity leave and at times worked 12 hour night shifts, 7 nights a week to enable me be to stay at home, rather than return to work. I would go and sit with John at work when I was pregnant, just to be with him as he spent so much time working so hard.

While on maternity leave with Amelie I fell pregnant again. I was struggling with anxiety so I never returned to work and was able to take back to back maternity leave. When Bobby was born I was finally granted redundancy. So my 12 years employment with the company reached an end and I’ve never been more relieved.

I feel very fortunate to be in the position we’re in.

What I don’t like is when people comment that I’m living “a life of luxury” or “the easy life”.

Most recently these comments were made in front of my whole family. From a relative who is a working mum. My dad, who never says much, snapped. “She’s not got the easy life, that’s called being a mum!”. Go dad. I didn’t need to add anything, not that my non-confrontational self would. I would have walked away feeling trampled.

You see, my generation of family around me; brothers, cousins etc, have regular babysitters and help. That’s aside from whether the parents work or not. My husband and I went out for a meal this month and realised we hadn’t had babysitters since October last year. That’s 7 months. But that’s a story for another time…

I know my parents are proud of how I am raising my children and don’t rely on babysitters so I can go out and party. Thankfully I don’t have to pay for childcare for 4 children either, the cost of that would make me working a pointless waste of time. I totally support working mums, my best friend is the hardest working mummy I know! I won’t feel guilty for being able to stay at home and I work hard looking after my 4 children.

So I have been on both sides. A working mummy for 4 years and a stay at home mummy for 5 years and counting. I am eternally grateful to my husband for supporting me with it. Thankfully he doesn’t have to work 12 hour night shifts any more and works from home. The help he is able to give me makes me a happier wife and mummy.

Staying at home makes me a happier wife and mummy.

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25 thoughts on “Being a ‘stay at home mummy’

  1. Anytime I’ve heard someone complain about stay at home Mums, I generally replace it with “I’m a bit jealous as I think it’s the easy option, and society makes me feel guilty for daring to work while having young children, so I’m going to take it out on you”.

    If you’re happy doing it and you can afford to, then why not go ahead. Life’s too short to be miserable at work!

  2. That’s funny how society criticizes moms that stays at home to take of their kids and at the same time badly perceived them for going back to work and leaving their children behind. The most important is really what everybody else wants and if being a stay at home mum makes you happy, then that’s the most important! xx corinne

  3. Amazing post. I’ve just gone back to work, although mainly working from home, and I have an 8 month old. I only go into the office one day a week but I hate leaving him! I’m glad you’re so much happier now, gorgeous family photo!
    Hels xx
    http://thehelsproject.com/

  4. My mum was a stay-at-home since I was born (19 years ago) until I was about 16 and it was the best. It was amazing having her always there for us growing up, she never missed anything and it was lots of fun. I do however appreciate that some mums do have to work – or want to! I think it is just doing what works best for you!

    Kirsty | The Monday Project | themondayproject.co.uk

    1. It’s great to hear this from the perspective of someone who had a stay at home mum. Thank you for sharing your experience!

  5. I love reading stories like this! You have a beautiful family, I don’t have children yet but when I do I’d like to not be working. Growing up my mum was a single parent and I never spent as much time with her as I’d have liked, so when I have my own family it’s definitely something I’d like to do. I’m so glad your anxieties have settled, you’re never alone when you feel low, you have all your beautiful babies who look up to you! Great post lovely 🙂 ❤️

  6. I would say most moms lash out because really inside they are jealous. Most moms would love to be a stay at home mom. Moms shaming should be shunned. I would love to hear the love story between you and John. I wrote about love myself. When you wrote, “The prince to sweep me clean off my feet and whisk me off to a happy place and the fairy tale I was told did not exist”, it made me think of Shelley and her soul mate she described it as a fairy tale too. “They danced and celebrated life together putting God and family first. In a sense, life was like a fairy tale. She lived happily ever after.”

    https://crispyview.com/2016/10/14/love-loss-on-interstate-64/

  7. I haven’t really known anyone who is/was a stay at home mum but this was really eye-opening and I love your writing style!! I hope people don’t give you too much about being a stay at home mum as I think it’s amazing what you do for your children!! xx

  8. Sad to hear that you were in an abusive marriage, but happy that you are in a much better place now! People sometimes don’t realise that being a stay at home mum is a real job and I applaud you for having the courage to do it! #ThatFridayLinky

  9. I’m so sorry you’ve gotten rude, stupid comments about staying home, but it’s wonderful that you were finally able to get redundancy and stay at home with your littles! I’m starting to research childcare and you’re totally right: with four kids, it’s not worth it to work, as you’d spend your entire salary paying for daycare!

    But the bigger thing is this: your choices are your own business, and nobody’s opinion about them matters but yours and your husband’s!!

    xx
    Emily
    emilyhallock.blogspot.com

  10. I’ve learnt that you get criticised no matter what route you take. If you stay at home with the children then you’ve got an easy life and if you go to work then you don’t care about your children.. It’s ridiculous! Do what makes you happy! #triumphanttales

  11. For anyone who says you are living the easy life – they haven’t got a clue. Just like the other people from your comments said: It’s purely jealousy. Spite and jealousy. Don’t ever feel you need to justify yourself chick. It is very interesting though to read about your past and what you did before you were a ‘stay at home mummy’. You’re an amazing lady, role model & mother! Keep creating wonderful content & doing your thing <3

  12. Firstly, its so lovely to hear you found your happily ever after! Secondly, I tried the SAHM thing with an extended maternity leave due to potential redundancies, it drove me insane!! However I am trying to push my blog so I can spend more time at home as I currently spend 4 days a week seeing my son for about 5 minutes tops if im lucky and thats not a way to live my life.
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back tomorrow

    1. Thank you, it’s so exciting that your blog could help you spend more time at home! I wish you lots of luck. #TriumphantTales

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